i feel like i am at a weird point.
i am very happy.
yet somewhat sad.
Surrounded by amazing people.
i’ve started working out
made plans to start eating better
still feel blah.
i go out
still feel blah.
mostly right now its because i’m going to get my period. but i just don’t know really. also i wrote this weirdly, like a poem. it’s not. it is just a rant on my blah life.
i don’t like anyone.
but there is still that someone i want. although they’ve made it very clear they don’t want me. which is really fucking stupid of me because why the hell do i want someone who doesn’t want me? they bitch on social media how they’re done with girls and basically complaining about shit they knew i could have provided from the get! whatever, your fucking loss. why do i even fucking care?
i thought i wanted someone. chased and pursued him. only to lead to me breaking up with him because it wasn’t what i wanted. which sucks too because he’s nice and all but we don’t vibe. “it” is not there and i can’t fake that shit, i can’t fake anything.
work irritates me. my new job is cool. i love the actual job, the work i’m paid to do. but everyone there fucking sucks. don’t talk to me like i’m stupid. don’t look at me like i’m fucking stupid, i’m not. don’t make me feel stupid for not knowing something. i’m new, what the fuck do you expect? also what the fuck is up with grown as people complaining every fucking second? its a JOB. you are paid to do this. so the fuck are you acting like you aren’t? stop acting so fucking annoyed with everything.
my family fucking irritates me. they did this whole “we are breaking up” fiasco, made it look so serious, only to be back to the same shit. like this is why i can’t wait to move away. i love them dearly, but they drag me down, involve me, and hurt me. i spent majority of this week, crying my eyes out because i was so confused and torn, only for them to be all cool the next day. while i’m glad they’re happy i wish they wouldn’t pull out all the fucking stops and dramatic works if they knew they weren’t going to leave each other.
i’m bitching and i’m ranting, i know. but i haven’t said any of this shit out loud and i don’t write on my tumblr like i used to. within the last couple of weeks, i’ve been in some rough spots with friendship issues, family issues, life issues and i should have gotten it out instead of letting it fester inside of me. i need to get back to this because it truly makes me feel better. sorry it’s been so long. but i’m back..
my life got about a thousand times better once i stopped censoring myself
and by censoring i don’t mean i suddenly embraced indiscriminate swearing; i mean i stopped trying to sugarcoat my past or my feelings; i stopped lying by omission; i stopped having guilty pleasures; i began unabashedly enjoying whatever i liked; i became very honest; i cut out of my life poisonous people and negative ideals, and i am so, so much happier for it
someone else’s universe
to be able to see
that you are a galaxy.
You don’t need to be
someone else’s light
to be able to appreciate
the way you shine."